A Semi-Comprehensive Guide to Where We All Live

 A Semi-Comprehensive Guide to Where We All Live

by Theodore Glumpelshutz

A long time ago, or so they say, there was nothing. There was no light, nor was there any darkness. There was simply nothing. Although I suppose there must have been darkness, at least there probably would have been if anyone were there to perceive it. After all, darkness is nothing but the absence of light. 

All of a sudden, however, there was something. A whole lot of somethings, to be a touch more precise. Be it by science,  magic- or even a delicate combination of the two (I’d go with the latter personally, but hey ho- I’m an optimist)- there was something. Our universe was born. From then until now and probably later on, it has presided in its vast majesty over all of existence. The universe is everywhere and nowhere, in all the places and even the places with nothing else.

A whole lot of something, though, doesn’t make everything. There was light and dark- but nobody was there to prove it. What good are stars that burn a million times hotter than the heart of the fabled Scarlet Dragon without any life for the heat to nurture? Sooner or later the universe caught on to this divine injustice and birthed the planets. Countless chunks of earth were scattered across existence, each separated by an incomprehensibly large amount of space and time. In other words: the universe had light, heat and a place to call home. 

I’m sure each planet in existence harbours life not too different from us. I’m even more sure I’ll never get a chance to prove that. Despite all that, though, I still feel rather confident in saying that when the universe birthed the planets- it spent a little extra time on ours. After all, it is invariably the best one. On what other world can you buy a copy of ‘A Semi-Comprehensive Guide to Where We All Live’? Exactly- nowhere but here, the quaint little planet our 10,000 times great-grandparents decided to name Sterlia.

Sterlia, which as we all know was named for the first Queen of the first civilised tribe of Gnomes (our little world’s oldest race), was the universe’s best answer to the wonders that went unseen. From our little world's first dawn, life has always existed. Before the Gnomes, the first mortal race, the Arcane beings took their first breath. See, Sterlia isn’t just what we see. Our world is the anchor for several planes of existence, such as the Mortal Plane (where we live), the Celestial Plane or even Hell. The oldest, as far as we can tell, is the Celestial Plane.  

To make matters all the more confusing, the arcane beings don’t actually call any one plane their home. They, unlike most others, possess the ability to walk between the planes. Before all life, there existed creations first lovers- Life and Death. Following them were the other less prominent arcane beings and the Gods. 

The Gods made their home in the celestial plane and live there to this day. They are essentially immortal, although some have been known to fall to the right weapon. Unlike creatures born in Hell, those in the Celestial Plane can freely travel to and fro from the Mortal Plane. They cannot, however, cross between the rest- firmly separating them from any Arcane beings that came before. Most Gods are rather powerful, however, it is important we mortals recognise that they are not omnipotent. Fools who callously make that error in their judgement are those who go on to birth religions. I’m afraid that rabbit hole is for another book though.

Moving on, as all things do, we make our way to us. The Mortals. Or the vast majority, as we are sometimes known in the more extremist circles. Gnomes were, as I’ve said, the first mortal life on our world and the progenitors of its name. It is said the Celestials and even the Arcane beings have their own names for our world, however, they so rarely share with us so it is unlikely we will ever know what exactly they call this place. Sterlia is good enough for the rest of us. I, for one, find it serves as a reminder that mortal life really can accomplish anything. If a Gnome once held the most power in this world, who’s to say Little Timmy the Shoe Shine can’t one day be king?

Eventually, the Gnomes were no longer alone in their existence. The Elves were born, then the Humans. Or maybe it was the other way around? At some point, the Witchbarons came about. Oh but then when did the Gods pop over to make the Dryads? The Goblins and Dwarves popped up at some point too- not to mention the animals of every genus. My point is- there is a lot of life on Sterlia. Which is rather impressive considering there was once none. 

That brings us to now, just about. Where we were, how we got here and where we are now. Okay maybe ‘semi-comprehensive’ was a bit generous. Did you really expect an in-depth historically sound account of everything that’s ever happened in the ten-page pamphlet you picked up from the local Adventurer’s Guild’s front desk?

Manuscript provided to Senior Editor J. Arthur Humperdinck of the Battley Brothers Publishing Company by Hortensia Cleftmarc, agent and publicist to Theodore Glumpelshutz.